You’ve finally found the one. Your heart pounds outside of your chest whenever they’re near, and it’s as if someone has shed a light that you’ve been searching for quite some time now! They’re perfect. Your playlists subsequently turn into perfect love songs, and you’re on cloud nine! …Until reality sets in. Time passes, the honeymoon phase is over, and those little tiny annoying habits and quirks that you never knew about begin to surface.
He neglects to put the toilet seat down and leaves it up no matter how many times she tells him not to, while she isn’t very organized and likes to leave things laying around. Now where did these things come from? They weren’t there before?! Hate to break it to you, but they absolutely were. The more comfortable you become with someone else is typically when you slowly let down your walls that cover up the not-so-hot parts of you. These walls only display your best features for the most part. You know, the ones you automatically put up when you first started dating?
While little habits like leaving the toilet seat up or leaving a mess may be easier to fix, traits that have been internally developed over time are not. “Why can’t he be more affectionate with me? Why is she so stubborn? I’ll bet I can change them for the better.” WARNING!: that is a very slippery slope you do not want to ski down my friend – so take off your snow boots, pop a squat by the fire, and listen. When it comes to inner turmoils such as feeling incompetent, problems displaying affection, etc. you’re dealing with something totally outside of your hands. These things are like breathing. You’ve been doing it so long that it becomes second nature to you.
It can take a whole year to be at that place where you know what makes him feel appreciated and desired exactly the way he wants it. It may take a whole decade to get to the root of why she still has trouble trusting 100%. Movies and social media have really sensitized some people into believing that if any deep issue comes up, it means that there’s something terribly wrong and you’re doomed to fail whereas in reality, the issues are not even half of the problem! It’s all about how you better deal with them without judging or making the other person feel anything less than loved, accepted, and chosen.
Simply put, we’re not perfect. We all have our own little habits and defects we need to work on, but something that’s been with you for a long time doesn’t just suddenly disappear all because someone you love brings it to acknowledgement. I am in no way justifying anything, but I do want to remind you to have patience and grace with one another, because there will be plenty of times where you’ll also need grace. Lift each other up, and always encourage. You’re a team.
1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”