Millions of songs are written about it. Countless books, magazine articles, and *ahem* blog posts are being written every single day! You’ll most likely experience it in one way or another in your life. It doesn’t always have to be about a person! It could be as simple as losing a pet, or losing a dream you’ve had for so long that doesn’t seem to touch the surface of reality. Whatever it is, heartbreak is heartbreak- no matter how “small” or “insignificant” it may seem to others. If it matters to you, it matters!
The most common form of heartbreak however is typically over person you really cared for, or even loved- (there’s a difference).! Maybe they didn’t reciprocate the same feelings. Maybe you two changed over time and drifted apart. Maybe they fell in love with someone else. Maybe they just chose to take an exit from your life without explanation. Whatever the reason, it still hurts! Like a lot a lot.
Now the thing I HATE most is when you’re going through a really hard time, and the people around you say, “It’s gonna be okay, you’ll find someone else, God still has a plan, in time you’ll get over it.” I CANNOT stand these words in the midst of the pain, because honestly in my opinion our minds aren’t working properly while trying to process and figure out what to do with all of this emotional stress and hurt. I only speak for myself, but if I’m going through a really tough time, I will block out every single person who tries to comfort me with words that people feel obligated to say because they don’t know what else to say.
So I’m going to be honest and tell you the truth, k ladies and gents? Depending on how deep the wound of your heartbreak is, and the story behind it, results may vary! First off, you might start playing out in your mind how everything went down, until it’s stuck on loop- just like your feelings you probably still have for this person. You might convince yourself that you’re better off without them, but then an hour later you can’t stop thinking about how much you miss them and want them all to yourself. You’re not gonna want to get out of bed sometimes. You might try to replace them with somebody else only to find that when you wake up, you wished it was them laying beside you instead. You might start to feel like you got played and toyed with. Certain songs or movies that connected the two of you will suddenly start to play at your work, or the grocery store, and you might get a little triggered! You might start thinking of all the things you should have said or done differently that could have possibly changed their mind. You might explain your pain and say the same exact words to your close friends until you sound like a broken record. You might make the saddest playlists on the planet. The pain might be so intense that you can barely breathe, and you can feel it in your chest. The dream you saw of the two of you being together is now torn a part, and you don’t want to believe it. You might cry a lot and ask what you’ve done to deserve this. You are going to hurt for what will seem like forever. You may even tell yourself that you don’t want anyone else, and you’d rather be alone than without the one you love. It may hurt for months, it may hurt for years. And that’s okay. It’s all okay.
Please please please, don’t think that anything is wrong with you for feeling these things, because if we saw half of what happens behind closed doors, we probably wouldn’t think we were crazy anymore. We’re all human, and we all handle great pain differently. Don’t ever judge anyone else and most importantly, yourself for feeling all of these things. You need to feel it, no matter how much you may wish you could go numb. Let me tell you, going numb is actually much worse than any measure of pain that you could experience. In time, it will make you a stronger, more experienced individual.
Now it happened. So you have to deal. People talk about how you’ll be okay, but not the steps you might have to take to get there, so I’ll give some suggestions! Write a song or a whole album even. *ahem Taylor Swift.* Take long walks with good music. Make personal videos explaining your story and how you’re feeling/what you’re thinking. Pray and cry out to God, and ask Him to heal your heart. Sing your heart out. Confide in friends who have your best interest at heart, and who will keep listening to you say the same thing over and over again. Take good care of yourself, and make an effort to always look good even if you still feel like shit. Don’t jump into a relationship with someone else, because that will most often hinder your healing. Type documents that only you can see expressing your raw self, holding nothing back. Make playlists filled with music that stimulates your mind, and lets you know where your heart is at. Watch sad (or) happy movies with ice cream, pizza, and maybe a few drinks. (I don’t recommend getting drunk, you don’t need to wake up feeling worse about yourself, okay.) Forgive the other person, as well as yourself. Be friends with the idea that you might always have feelings for them, and that’s okay. Give yourself time to heal, and love yourself always.
Listen, I don’t care if you have to do all of these things ten thousand million bajillion times! No one can judge you, because they haven’t experienced what you have. Don’t let anyone hinder your healing, It’s good to get it out somehow- especially if you can no longer contact them and express your feelings and pain to them. In all honesty, you’re unique and can’t be replaced. Maybe they weren’t the right one for you. Maybe the timing was no good. Maybe you have some growing and learning to do before something real really happens! Maybe the other person has some growing and learning to do! If you’re not ready for it when it comes, you will lose it. Trust in the process, and know that your time will come. My pastor always tells me that whatever is meant to be yours will be yours. I’m still working on believing that, but I do know that God loves you too much to not give you His best. Just ask for His will to be done, and don’t rush into anything that isn’t meant for you.
~ Xo, Rachel.