The Truth About Heartbreak

Millions of songs are written about it. Countless books, magazine articles, and *ahem* blog posts are being written every single day! You’ll most likely experience it in one way or another in your life. It doesn’t always have to be about a person! It could be as simple as losing a pet, or losing a dream you’ve had for so long that doesn’t seem to touch the surface of reality. Whatever it is, heartbreak is heartbreak- no matter how “small” or “insignificant” it may seem to others. If it matters to you, it matters!

The most common form of heartbreak however is typically over person you really cared for, or even loved- (there’s a difference).! Maybe they didn’t reciprocate the same feelings. Maybe you two changed over time and drifted apart. Maybe they fell in love with someone else. Maybe they just chose to take an exit from your life without explanation. Whatever the reason, it still hurts! Like a lot a lot.

Now the thing I HATE most is when you’re going through a really hard time, and the people around you say, “It’s gonna be okay, you’ll find someone else, God still has a plan, in time you’ll get over it.” I CANNOT stand these words in the midst of the pain, because honestly in my opinion our minds aren’t working properly while trying to process and figure out what to do with all of this emotional stress and hurt. I only speak for myself, but if I’m going through a really tough time, I will block out every single person who tries to comfort me with words that people feel obligated to say because they don’t know what else to say.

So I’m going to be honest and tell you the truth, k ladies and gents? Depending on how deep the wound of your heartbreak is, and the story behind it, results may vary! First off, you might start playing out in your mind how everything went down, until it’s stuck on loop- just like your feelings you probably still have for this person. You might convince yourself that you’re better off without them, but then an hour later you can’t stop thinking about how much you miss them and want them all to yourself. You’re not gonna want to get out of bed sometimes. You might try to replace them with somebody else only to find that when you wake up, you wished it was them laying beside you instead. You might start to feel like you got played and toyed with. Certain songs or movies that connected the two of you will suddenly start to play at your work, or the grocery store, and you might get a little triggered! You might start thinking of all the things you should have said or done differently that could have possibly changed their mind. You might explain your pain and say the same exact words to your close friends until you sound like a broken record. You might make the saddest playlists on the planet. The pain might be so intense that you can barely breathe, and you can feel it in your chest. The dream you saw of the two of you being together is now torn a part, and you don’t want to believe it. You might cry a lot and ask what you’ve done to deserve this. You are going to hurt for what will seem like forever. You may even tell yourself that you don’t want anyone else, and you’d rather be alone than without the one you love. It may hurt for months, it may hurt for years. And that’s okay. It’s all okay.

Please please please, don’t think that anything is wrong with you for feeling these things, because if we saw half of what happens behind closed doors, we probably wouldn’t think we were crazy anymore. We’re all human, and we all handle great pain differently. Don’t ever judge anyone else and most importantly, yourself for feeling all of these things. You need to feel it, no matter how much you may wish you could go numb. Let me tell you, going numb is actually much worse than any measure of pain that you could experience. In time, it will make you a stronger, more experienced individual.

“This Is Where The Healing Begins” – Tenth Avenue North

Now it happened. So you have to deal. People talk about how you’ll be okay, but not the steps you might have to take to get there, so I’ll give some suggestions! Write a song or a whole album even. *ahem Taylor Swift.* Take long walks with good music. Make personal videos explaining your story and how you’re feeling/what you’re thinking. Pray and cry out to God, and ask Him to heal your heart. Sing your heart out. Confide in friends who have your best interest at heart, and who will keep listening to you say the same thing over and over again. Take good care of yourself, and make an effort to always look good even if you still feel like shit. Don’t jump into a relationship with someone else, because that will most often hinder your healing. Type documents that only you can see expressing your raw self, holding nothing back. Make playlists filled with music that stimulates your mind, and lets you know where your heart is at. Watch sad (or) happy movies with ice cream, pizza, and maybe a few drinks. (I don’t recommend getting drunk, you don’t need to wake up feeling worse about yourself, okay.) Forgive the other person, as well as yourself. Be friends with the idea that you might always have feelings for them, and that’s okay. Give yourself time to heal, and love yourself always.

Listen, I don’t care if you have to do all of these things ten thousand million bajillion times! No one can judge you, because they haven’t experienced what you have. Don’t let anyone hinder your healing, It’s good to get it out somehow- especially if you can no longer contact them and express your feelings and pain to them. In all honesty, you’re unique and can’t be replaced. Maybe they weren’t the right one for you. Maybe the timing was no good. Maybe you have some growing and learning to do before something real really happens! Maybe the other person has some growing and learning to do! If you’re not ready for it when it comes, you will lose it. Trust in the process, and know that your time will come. My pastor always tells me that whatever is meant to be yours will be yours. I’m still working on believing that, but I do know that God loves you too much to not give you His best. Just ask for His will to be done, and don’t rush into anything that isn’t meant for you.

~ Xo, Rachel.


It’s Not About You

You have the fastest car, but it’s not about you.

You wear the finest jewelry, but it’s not about you.

You have a six-figure income, but it’s not about you.

You have the latest technological devices, but it’s not about you.

You have the most followers on social media, but it’s not about you.

Can these things ever replace the internal peace and joy that comes from seeing someone’s face light up from the love and hope you gave them? Can these things replace the warmth inside your heart when you gave to those in need? Could these things alter your mind into believing that you “need it all” to “have it all”?

Now let me clarify; I’m not at all against any of the things mentioned, but it is important to look at our hearts and remember why we’re really here. What is it you want to leave behind when you leave this earth? A beautiful house is great. A nice car is cool. An abundance of wealth for your kids and grand-kids is ideal. But you know what’s even better? Leaving behind a legacy of someone who greatly impacted the lives around them, PLUS those extra material things! Why should you have to choose, right?

Having nice things in life is such a blessing, and they’re meant to be enjoyed! Just as long as you don’t get caught up in the selfishness and materialism that these things can stir up inside of you. There’s so much more to life.

Xo, Rachel.

Why You Need To Stop Trying To “Fix” Them

You’ve finally found the one. Your heart pounds outside of your chest whenever they’re near, and it’s as if someone has shed a light that you’ve been searching for quite some time now! They’re perfect. Your playlists subsequently turn into perfect love songs, and you’re on cloud nine! …Until reality sets in. Time passes, the honeymoon phase is over, and those little tiny annoying habits and quirks that you never knew about begin to surface.

He neglects to put the toilet seat down and leaves it up no matter how many times she tells him not to, while she isn’t very organized and likes to leave things laying around. Now where did these things come from? They weren’t there before?! Hate to break it to you, but they absolutely were. The more comfortable you become with someone else is typically when you slowly let down your walls that cover up the not-so-hot parts of you. These walls only display your best features for the most part. You know, the ones you automatically put up when you first started dating?

While little habits like leaving the toilet seat up or leaving a mess may be easier to fix, traits that have been internally developed over time are not. “Why can’t he be more affectionate with me? Why is she so stubborn? I’ll bet I can change them for the better.” WARNING!: that is a very slippery slope you do not want to ski down my friend – so take off your snow boots, pop a squat by the fire, and listen. When it comes to inner turmoils such as feeling incompetent, problems displaying affection, etc. you’re dealing with something totally outside of your hands. These things are like breathing. You’ve been doing it so long that it becomes second nature to you.

It can take a whole year to be at that place where you know what makes him feel appreciated and desired exactly the way he wants it. It may take a whole decade to get to the root of why she still has trouble trusting 100%. Movies and social media have really sensitized some people into believing that if any deep issue comes up, it means that there’s something terribly wrong and you’re doomed to fail whereas in reality, the issues are not even half of the problem! It’s all about how you better deal with them without judging or making the other person feel anything less than loved, accepted, and chosen.

Simply put, we’re not perfect. We all have our own little habits and defects we need to work on, but something that’s been with you for a long time doesn’t just suddenly disappear all because someone you love brings it to acknowledgement. I am in no way justifying anything, but I do want to remind you to have patience and grace with one another, because there will be plenty of times where you’ll also need grace. Lift each other up, and always encourage. You’re a team.

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

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Xo, Rachel.

The Difference Between “Let It Go” and “Letting Go”


LET IT GO:

You know when someone does or says something that completely ruins your whole day? Whether it’s your colleague, best friend, spouse, or parent, we’ve all been there. Your blood is boiling. You find it difficult to concentrate at work. When you should be filing documents, instead your mind is playing out scenarios of what you should have said back to them to really give them a taste of their own medicine!

This is a perfect example of when you need to let it go. Holding on to silly things that only steal your joy and ruin your day isn’t worth it! Also, it’s a waste of energy! I get it, it’s not easy to avoid the feeling of anger or resentment sometimes, but if you learn how to forgive and move on, your life will be 10x better- promise!

The harsh reality is that people are going to be people no matter what, so you have to just learn to let it go. Trust me, your well-being will thank you for it!

LETTING GO:

On a different note, you know that person you know in your heart you should be with, but it seems like nothing is happening? You get all dressed up, accentuate your best features, follow all the flirting tips from Cosmo, but still nothing happens! That’s when you need to let go. Now here’s the deal, letting go doesn’t mean you’re giving up. I’m still a firm believer that what is meant to be yours in this life will be yours when the time is right. However, you can’t force anything, it has to come naturally. So whether it’s a person, opportunity, job position, etc.. you need to surrender that desire in your heart up to whomever you trust in. For me, it’s God.

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A lot of things in life I’ve had to let go of. Some still have deep roots within my heart, but they don’t keep me from living my life and moving forward to whatever season or direction I need to be in. If you can’t stand the idea of letting go, I totally get it. When great frustrations come my way and there’s no clarity, I try my best to surrender it to God and ask for guidance and clarity. I imagine my life as a Rubik’s Cube that I throw up to heaven and say, “Please sort this out, show me how it should look, then send it back down.”

That being said, it’s important to practice both of these methods. Truth.. letting go of something you truly care about can be agonizingly painful, but you have to do it. The only things to hold onto are love, hope, and your beliefs. Know that you have great purpose. Though sometimes you may not be where you need to be, you’re surely not where you used to be. Keep growing.

~ Xo, Rachel.